The One Where Heather Breaks The Law

I sort of had this plan where I'd never get in trouble with the law. No arrests, no fines, not even a parking ticket. The reasoning behind this is so that if someday in the future I ever felt like pulling off a big crime, like a bank heist, or I had to be an assassin, the police would be completely baffled because I would have a perfect record.
That dream has died.


Last Friday, I was pulled over for the first time ever. Now, I have to ask, what kind of pansy cop pulls over a girl on a scooter? I mean, really.
The reason he pulled me over? Because I had no license plates.
Yeah... I never bothered to get my scooter registered. After all the trouble they gave me in Colorado, I really didn't ever feel like going to the DMV to try again. I know I should have...but I never did. And I never thought it's be a problem--I've driven past dozens of cop cars over the past year and a half, and none of them have ever looked twice.
So, there I am, driving home from work, when I hear the little "whoop-whoop" of the cop behind me. So I pull over, half-hoping it was meant for someone else and the cop just drives past me.
Not so.

Cop: Is there a reason why you don't have any license plates?

Me: It's not registered.

Cop: How long ago did you buy your scooter?

Me: Umm... a year ago.
(ok, that's a lie, I bought it like two years ago.)

Cop: Ok, do you have insurance.

Me: (in my head) *dang it. forgot about that...* Um, no?

Cop: Ok, can I see your license?

So, I give him my license, he goes back into his car and does his policeman thing. In the meantime, I am left to pull up a comfy patch of sidewalk and wave at all the people staring at me as I sit there. Many things are running through my mind at this time.
I forgot about insurance...I wonder if people think I'm a drug dealer... Is he going to impound my scooter? I don't want want to walk home... How much is this ticket going to cost?...What is taking so long, seriously?... I wonder if I should cry. People say you should cry to get out of tickets...I feel like I could cry right now...

The cop finally comes back.

Cop: Did you know your license is expired?

Me: (in my head) *Oh snap!*

Yes, I had no registration, no insurance, AND my license was expired! I thought he was going to arrest me right then and there. At first I felt upset at that, but then I thought what a cool story to tell everyone at work the next day: "What'd you do yesterday?" "Spent some time in the slammer, you know, no big deal."

Instead, the cop gives me a ticket, tells me he should impound my scooter but he won't, so just drive it home and don't drive it again til I sort everything out. Which is way more upsetting, I think, than getting to go to jail.
So, I drove home, called my mom and had a panic attack, and now I get to figure out exactly when I will have enough time to walk to the DMV and have some more good times with government employees. Yippee.

Moral of the story: Not all cops are big tough guys who have better things to do than catch those big bad BYU girls on those darned scooters.

But since I'm already a criminal, I have decided to be a little more bad, which is why I'm writing this in the school library, eating goldfish crackers and cookies while I do it.
Yeah, I'm tough.